You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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