the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
