It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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