if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
