my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
