I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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