I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
