It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
