i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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