Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
