On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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