There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
