i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
