If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
