Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
