I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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