Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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