I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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