i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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