So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
