Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We got so high we made milksteak
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
