apparently the secret to your success is patron
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
