Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
