Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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