i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
