U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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