So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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