I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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