You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
