Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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