I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
