chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
