what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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