How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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