your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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