FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
