Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
