Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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