Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
