WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
