i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
