birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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