I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
