Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
