worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
