I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
