i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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