before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
