her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
