it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
