I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
