Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
