True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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